LFG - Let's Fuckin Grow

 It's 1/11 of 2024. 

The Universe portal for manifestation is wide open to you, on this first new moon of the year.

Picture yourself on a long winding road, where you get to create all the experiences you need this year. You hold the pen and the paper. You choose the plot, the people, the pace, the passion, the pain, the peace, the phases, the places, the party, the positivity, the potential, the power, the practice. You forge the path as the pupil. There are no right or wrongs. Every phase has lessons and you repeat the ones you need more practice in. In your mental vison board, whatever comes to fruition is required for your growth, evolution, and transformation. You can change direction at any time. There are no mistakes. Every decision is the right one for you.

Most think manifesting is a Christmas list of wants, when in fact, it's much deeper than that. Everything you want may not be what you need - but don't stress about that. The Universe will intervene when necessary. All you can do is tap into a feeling of joy, inspiration, creativity, heart expansion, and the experiences that light you up. Focus on all of that first. From there, ask the Universe to give you what you need to grow deeper with those feelings. 

This is not about having more. It's about growing more. Growth isn't linear. You will have to trust the process, trust the pain, trust in your power. Remember the caterpillar in the cocoon. It's dark, scary, lonely. The caterpillar has no idea she's transforming into a butterfly. Trust the timing. Believe in your power. Think, process over outcome. What if everything falls into place? What if it all works out for your greatest good? What if the outcome is better than you imagined? 

Trust in new beginnings. 

The Barbie Movie - Malfunctioning is the real Flex

Last night I watched the Barbie movie - a two-hour throwback of a doll every girl aspired to be, meshed with an unattainable standard women struggle to maintain. I wonder...Is Barbieland aspirational or is the real goal to discover your purpose and be who you want to be?

Malfunctioning Marisa

In the movie, our perfect Barbie begins to malfunction when she experiences dark thoughts. Though women/men will relate to much of the storyline, the most significant is witnessing Barbie have a breakdown. Mattel's portrayal of Barbie's glamourous lifestyle suggests that a woman's worth is based on her looks and material possessions, so to see her question her purpose, humanizes this pretend life. 

Barbie revolutionized my childhood by making me, and billions of girls, believe that we can be anything we want to be. That was my experience with Barbieland, however along the plasticized sandy beach, criticism persists, claiming Barbie is a symbol of regressive gender stereotypes, and a bimbo with unrealistic beauty standards.

After watching the movie, it's safe to say that 'Stereotypical Barbie' has evolved and transformed.

In the movie, we see how girls abandon the positive beliefs about themselves as we age. When 'Stereotypical Barbie' visits the Real World, she discovers that being human is full of discomfort, where we swap fantasizing in a Barbie house, to fantasizing on social media. In between there's the patriarchy pushing their agenda on what a woman is supposed to be in the real world. Witnessing the complexities of being human, and the unrealistic measures we stress to live up to, brings Barbie on a mission for change.

The movie ends with an empowering message of choosing between being the woman she is defined as, vs being the woman she wants to be. Barbie goes from bimbo to brilliant in this truth telling movie about the (r)evolution of a woman.

The Secret to a Fulfilled Life: A Guide to Self-Love

To some degree you're full of yourself*, full of excuses**, and full of shit***! What you're not full of is fulfillment from this brutal, yet beautiful life. And I know that to be a fact because you spend an average of 5 hours a day swiping through other people's lives, while you could be celebrating your own. 

I have taken countless courses, gone on retreats, read the self-help books, sat in therapy, and there was one single red thread weaved throughout all of them -

Loving Yourself is the most revolutionary thing you can do to live a fulfilled life. 

How do you go about Loving Yourself?

Your History. A Spiritual Intervention.

Start where you started: your childhood. Your past may be painful, but that is part of the reason loving yourself is a struggle. Go back to the beginning; connect with your inner child. Write any memorable experiences that impacted you. Include even the ones that seem insignificant, like the time you let go of your red balloon and sobbed inconsolably. Reflect on the relationship you had with your mom and dad. Your parents were your Gods at the very start of your existence. For some, they still are. Describe that relationship through the eyes of your inner child. If you have siblings, dive into any childhood memories you shared with them, good and bad. Your family is your first clan, your foundation, your roots.

I once met a man who was abandoned by a parent, and still wonders why his father never showed up at his Bar Mitzvah, as promised. I know a woman who lived in a violent household, hiding under tables, who freezes whenever a man raises his voice. I have a friend who was raised in a war-torn country, where bomb sirens were routine. Her body convulses when she hears fireworks. These traumas live in our cellular memory. The stories are different, but the pain is the same for everyone. Your history is valuable to your healing journey. 

Your Messy Middle. "Strange how we decorate pain" Margaret Atwood

Most of us believe we love ourselves. We are generally satisfied with our lives, so why wouldn't we be happy? The truth is that most do not love themselves and that's why we're unhappy. As a result, we have become a society that's excellent at decorating our pain with filters and vacation photos. In the second phase of learning to love yourself, you can list all your fears, shortcomings, heartbreaks (go beyond romantic ones), and challenges throughout your life. This is valuable content. However you were treated during these particular situations, and whatever you were told, is most likely what you believe about yourself today. Your inner voice is a remix of all the critical feedback you received throughout your life. How you were treated physically and emotionally is conclusive to your behavioral patterns today when you're triggered. Identifying your wounds is essential to cultivating self-awareness. Start within and keep watering the seed.

Get brutally honest about your story. This is where you unpack your pain, recognize your addictive patterns, and speak your truth. If you've buried your old wounds as a coping mechanism, try to go inside your body. Notice where you feel tension, pain, or discomfort in your physical body when you're doing this work. You may be so disconnected from your insides that you cannot identify where pain hides in your body. Place one hand on your heart, one hand on your belly to tap into any physical sensations. This requires practice and patience. Get curious. You need to feel it, to heal it. 

Your Shadow. "I am out with lanterns looking for myself" Emily Dickinson

Self-love cannot exist without self-acceptance. You cannot say you love yourself fully and completely while you reject parts, repeat critical speech and addictive behavior, or set flimsy boundaries. Running from your pain is a form of self-sabotage. Your growth will be proportionate to the amount of truth you are willing to accept about yourself without numbing or escaping from it. That is true love. Sitting with the dull parts of yourself and gently dusting them off so they can shine, is the only way we can see your light.

Your Revelation. "Knowing others is knowledge. Knowing yourself is wisdom" Unknown

Personal growth is not linear. The above suggestions require curiosity and commitment to the process. Remember why you started. If you have read this far, this is your sign to open up Pandora's box. As hard as it is to do this work, ask yourself, "Is it harder to be in suffering, or is it harder to heal so you can be free from suffering?" Ultimately the goal is to reach a state of self-awareness where you can witness your wound when triggered, and still love yourself. 

Spiritual growth doesn't happen when you're meditating or doing yoga. It happens in knee deep conflict when you're triggered, and instead of responding the way you normally would, you pause and choose differently.

How will I know if I genuinely love and accept myself? 

When you can see another's behavior with compassion, you have completed the assignment. 

Keep searching for everything beautiful in this world until you find yourself.

*”I” is the most frequently used word in English. We love to talk about ourselves 😉

**Aka Avoidance

***Aka Suffering

Life Explained in 10 Sentences

 

Your life is a series of highs and lows, successes and failures, wins and losses, beginnings and endings. 

 No human being gets a free pass from some degree of suffering. 

You may feel as though your suffering is much heavier than someone else's, but suffering is suffering. 

The story changes, but the pain is the same. 

Don't for one second believe that your life requires a higher threshold for pain than someone else's. 

We all have a cross to carry. 

How you choose to carry yours, is your choice. 

You can drag it in self-pity, or you can build strength and resilience through the hardships. 

Life gives you exactly what you need practice in.

It doesn't necessarily get easier; you just get better.

My Dad and Dementia

He still remembers my name,

Until He won't.

He still remembers my face,

Until He won't.

He still recognizes my kids,

Until He won't.

He still answers the phone,

Until He won't.

Dad,

I still remember your name,

As 'the Best'.

I still remember your face,

Watching me skate from the stands.

I still recognize your voice,

Calm whenever mine isn't.

I still call the house,

Hoping you answer.

Until the day you won't. 

I was advised to mourn you,

Years ago.

Your mind left your body,

'Grieve now', the psychic advised.

But you're still here, Papa. 

You still remember me. 

Every time you say my name, 

the worry of being forgotten eases. 

What matters is not that you don't remember,

But that I forget all that you have been.

I promise, I won't,

Until the day, my mind goes too.

Papa, te voglio bene, ma proprio bene assai

If I Die Today, Clap

 If I die today,

I hope the forecast is sunny with a soft breeze

The kind of weather where you can tan comfortably.

If I die today,

make it easy on my people.

I don't want anyone to cry but clap instead.

Ok, you can clap in tears.

Clap for my courage.

Clap for my devotion to my kids.

Clap for choosing myself at the hardest times.

Clap for my cool Instagram videos I loved editing.

Clap for my postpartum recovery and the work I did on my insides.

Clap again for my courage.

Clap for my good taste in sneakers.

Clap for my achievements that meant nothing to you,

But everything to me

Like the time I was afraid to fly and flew to Paris all alone

Or the time Miss Zannis told me my speech wasn't good enough and I still enrolled in the competition

And won.

Please stop crying,

Clap instead.

Clap for that time I drove alone to an undisclosed location for a 3-day retreat 

To hug complete strangers, fall in love with myself, and do it all in French.

Keep clapping for my courage.

Clap every time you see feathers on your path

That's me dropping some angel dust.

If I die today,

I know I tried my best, especially at my worst

I'm sorry I hurt you and hope you learned from it.

If I die today,

I have absolutely no regrets because every experience helped me grow,

God gave me all I could handle.

If I die today,

Talk to me along your walks

I'll be listening through the breeze brushing your cheek.

If I die today,

Clap for me

I did the best I could 

And loved life mostly because of the hardships.

If I die today,

I'm grateful I got a shot at this wild and precious life.

Thank you Mom and Dad

For bringing me into this world and loving me when it was hard.

If I die today,

At least I saw God in everyone's eyes

How cool is that?!

If I die today,

You better still be clapping

When you hear your favorite song, see your favorite person, taste a pumpkin spice latte, touch the sand, smell the beach.

If I die today,

Do something on my bucket list

Like go to Bali, do yoga, buy colorful bangles.

If I die today,

Promise me you'll take all my good and share it with others

But clap for my bad too

It's part of who I am

So clap, but not as loud.

If I die today,

Be grateful you have more time

To make the best of it.

If I die today,

Take care of my kids

All they need is Love and a lift to a friend's house.

If I die today,

Place my ashes with my Nonna Maria

She was the closest person to God

And our names are MM

So Marisa Minutes will live on.

If I die today,

Eat the friggin cake if it brings you joy.

Keep clapping

I'm almost done.

Remember the longest relationship you will ever have in this lifetime,

Is the one with Yourself

Pls Love the Fuck out of it

Just like I did.

Divorce: No Love is Ever Wasted

Thackeray said, "To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose is the next best."

Someone, somewhere is either contemplating divorce, going through divorce, or healing from divorce.

I'll begin by saying: You're brave if you stay. You're brave if you leave.

The ebb and flow of life can be brutiful (brutal and beautiful combined).

You fall in love (beautiful), get married (beautiful), have a family (beautiful), and then it changes. 

It breaks. (Brutal)

You break. (Brutal)

He breaks. (Brutal)

The kids break. (Brutal)

And you're trying to hold all these broken pieces with overwhelming emotions and trembling hands. You're angry that you suppressed your feelings for too long. You're scared to do life alone. You feel guilty for hurting so many people. You're ashamed for breaking your family. You're anxious for the future. And you're grieving the death of the love and life you created together.

This is the brutal part, or the messy middle, as I prefer to call it.

It's hard, especially if you have children. Don't listen to anyone that says it isn't because they've forgotten the hardness of it all. I will not tell you that as good as I may be today, I didn't break multiple times along the way. I will however tell you, that I know for sure you can make beautiful things with broken pieces.

Honoring yourself sometimes means you have to be the bad guy in someone else's story.

I cannot reiterate enough that it's all hard. Staying and hurting, is hard. Leaving and hurting people you love, is hard.  The decision to separate becomes less about the rejection of your spouse and more about the rejection of your truth. The question is, which is harder: hurting yourself or hurting others? Choose your hard brave. 

To love is to truly live the human experience. We are an amalgamation of every relationship we have ever had - the good, the bad, and the indifferent, all of which serve our highest good. Despite the heartbreak from it all, everything unfolded for my growth and evolution. Trust that whatever path you're on - stay or go, the messy middle, or healing; it's all strengthening your relationship with yourself. 

Ending a marriage taught me invaluable lessons; the greatest one being that no love is ever wasted.