Divorce: No Love is Ever Wasted

Thackeray said, "To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose is the next best."

Someone, somewhere is either contemplating divorce, going through divorce, or healing from divorce.

I'll begin by saying: You're brave if you stay. You're brave if you leave.

The ebb and flow of life can be brutiful (brutal and beautiful combined).

You fall in love (beautiful), get married (beautiful), have a family (beautiful), and then it changes. 

It breaks. (Brutal)

You break. (Brutal)

He breaks. (Brutal)

The kids break. (Brutal)

And you're trying to hold all these broken pieces with overwhelming emotions and trembling hands. You're angry that you suppressed your feelings for too long. You're scared to do life alone. You feel guilty for hurting so many people. You're ashamed for breaking your family. You're anxious for the future. And you're grieving the death of the love and life you created together.

This is the brutal part, or the messy middle, as I prefer to call it.

It's hard, especially if you have children. Don't listen to anyone that says it isn't because they've forgotten the hardness of it all. I will not tell you that as good as I may be today, I didn't break multiple times along the way. I will however tell you, that I know for sure you can make beautiful things with broken pieces.

Honoring yourself sometimes means you have to be the bad guy in someone else's story.

I cannot reiterate enough that it's all hard. Staying and hurting, is hard. Leaving and hurting people you love, is hard.  The decision to separate becomes less about the rejection of your spouse and more about the rejection of your truth. The question is, which is harder: hurting yourself or hurting others? Choose your hard brave. 

To love is to truly live the human experience. We are an amalgamation of every relationship we have ever had - the good, the bad, and the indifferent, all of which serve our highest good. Despite the heartbreak from it all, everything unfolded for my growth and evolution. Trust that whatever path you're on - stay or go, the messy middle, or healing; it's all strengthening your relationship with yourself. 

Ending a marriage taught me invaluable lessons; the greatest one being that no love is ever wasted.