Why Parents Don't Love Unconditionally

Unconditional love refers to an unwavering love and acceptance that’s not contingent upon conditions or expectations. Its love given freely regardless of actions, flaws, or circumstances.

Do you love your child unconditionally then,

if you criticize them regularly?

How often do you say:

 “You’re lazy.”

“You never listen!”

“You’re so irresponsible.”

“Why can’t you be more like _______?”

“You’re too sensitive.”

I’m guilty of saying at least three of the above sentences. Every parent is guilty of critical speech towards their kids, but that doesn’t make it OK. In fact, our critical words will not only become their inner voice, but they’ll also damage our child’s self-worth.             

 How could you ever believe you’re good enough if you’re repeatedly told you’re not, in five different ways?

The gut-wrenching truth is that we love our children on the conditions that we value. If you value image, you’ll want your child to always look and behave properly, and when they don’t, unconditional love becomes conditional. What if we let go of the child, we wish we had and accept the child we brought into this world? How about complimenting instead of criticizing? How about retracting before reacting? The pause in between a comment and a potential blow up is a game changer. How about we recognize that our children are our greatest teachers, and what we dislike about them says more about what we dislike about ourselves. How about we practice being present instead of being distracted? How about we get curious in conversation rather than critical? How about we accept their shortcomings instead of shaming them? How about we glorify instead of vilify? How about we look at all the shit we tell them and start saying it back to ourselves to see how that lands?

If you see yourself in this faultfinding paradigm, rather than go to shame, shift to conscious recalibrating. You can start by apologizing for being critical. Saying sorry shows accountability, emotional maturity, imperfection, and creates connection.

When your child challenges your commands, instead of calling them disrespectful, you could listen to their rebuttal. Encourage their confidence to rise instead of avoiding conflict. You do not want to raise an adult who simply ignores their own feelings to accommodate others. You do not want to raise an adult too terrified to speak their mind because they were always told to keep quiet. You do not want to raise an adult who believes the only way they’re worth loving is if they’re perfect. You do not want to raise a liar because the truth was too much for you to hear. Most importantly, you do not want to raise an adult who projects their lack of self-love onto others.

 It's easy to damage our children with our unhealed wounds. Most of the population isn’t even conscious of those wounds. So now you have over 7 billion people projecting their shit onto one another. Good luck achieving world peace! Peace starts within you. If you’re not a peace within yourself, your child will inherit your addictive pattern of self-sabotage. How about you commit to letting go of the ideal child you created in your mind and accept the one you created with your words, actions, and projections. Start there. I genuinely believe that with self-awareness, you can improve your behaviour for the greater good of all mankind. Start with yourself. Love yourself and accept all your shit first. Only then will you have the capacity to do the same with your children.